My Journey To True GOD-liness.

I grew up very religious; my then family went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday. 

In the children's church, we were told stories from the Bible.  I remember how I would often ask questions and how uncomfortable the teachers would get with my questions.  I remember being confused about why my questions baffled the leaders when my intentions were always innocent in asking them.

As I grew older, it became more and more clear to me that being religious and being godly were two completely different things, and I sought a real connection with the Divine.  I must have been around 13 years old when I made the firm decision to seek GOD in 'realness' and in truth.

It took a while from the moment I decided in my heart to seek true Godliness, until I finally felt like I had made any meaningful progress.  About 10 years, I would say.  I know that's a long time, but real spiritual enlightenment is often a lifelong journey, especially without a manual or a mentor to guide you.  I didn't know anyone else who was interested in knowing GOD beyond the activities of going to church and participating in "church programs".  That meant that I had to navigate the uncertainties of the journey and manage the ups and the downs and the twists and the turns mostly all by myself.

Some time into my Godliness journey, I came to the somewhat disturbing realization that the "church system", rather the "African church system", was hindering instead of helping my spiritual progress, and so I left.  I put the entire system of religion behind me and sought to "find" the real Sovereign Deity.  It was a hard enough decision to make, venturing out into the unknown like that, having to deal with uncertainty, not knowing where to go, what to do or if I was just making a huge mistake.  That, coupled with all the bullying that came with my decision, all the finger pointing, being mocked, all of the stigma surrounding "she quit church", it all generally made life a little harder for me for a time.

My conscience was clean.  I knew what I had purposed in my heart, I knew why, and the difference was clear to me.  My clear conscience and my genuine desire for a true relationship with GOD kept me going through the hard and uncertain times in my journey.

There's no one size fits all when it comes to the Divine.  We're all different people.  What works for someone won't necessarily work for you and that's okay.  It's okay to want to venture off of the path that someone else has laid and to find your own.  The people trying to tell you about GOD likely don't know much themselves and they don't have all the answers. It's okay to question what you're being told, and contrary to what you've probably heard, it's okay to doubt.

Also, I firmly believe in the Sovereign Deity, and in the fact that HE/SHE/THEY knows/know HIS/HER/THEIR own (sorry, lol...).  I truly believe that if you purpose in your heart genuinely to know, to love and to honor GOD, GOD knows and that GOD will reach you.

There are several books, texts and other materials other than the official texts from the various religions. It's hard to site examples that have helped my personal journey, but the links below are not a bad place to start. 

When I first came to the conclusion that I needed to leave the church system, I was overcome with fright.  I didn't lack conviction, but I was so afraid of being wrong that I ended up shaking the gnawing feeling off and I stayed.  I had been volunteering at our church's head office for about 4 years by that time and I had gained firsthand knowledge of the fact that the church system had been corrupted, and that the church was no longer necessarily a godly institution.  Yet, I decided to stay because I had been told that GOD was only to be found in the "church".

About a week after this, I started to feel the physical effects of my pushing against my spirit. I started being unable to sleep at night. I started having problems with focusing on my work.  I started randomly finding, seeing and hearing things that were too incriminating to ignore, but still, I listened to my pastors when they told me that I couldn't possibly find anything good outside of the church. I listened because I was still too afraid.

For the next month or so, I was getting up everyday and dragging myself to the church office.  I was unhappy and unhealthy, and it showed, which is saying a lot because my whole life up until then had generally been less than happy.  I kept my thoughts to myself, but knowing that I shouldn't be going there, and getting up each day to go anyway was putting a different kind of strain on me mentally and physically.

Finally, the day came when I would "just do it!" 

I got up that morning like usual and got myself ready to go to "work".  But something was different about that day.  It may be that I'd finally had enough. It could also be that the time had just come.  I'm not really sure, to be honest.  But on that day, after I had gotten myself all ready to go, I sat back down on my little sleeping mat on the floor and started to cry.

I cried for about an hour.  And then, I slowly changed back into my house clothes and went to lay back down for a little while. 

Few words can describe the peace that washed over me that day.  The burden was lifted off of my chest and I felt as light as a feather.  I was happy.  Truly happy.  And I almost couldn't contain my urge to just burst out laughing.

It's been years since then and I've come to trust GOD in a way that I could only have dreamed of before.  I have found a closeness with GOD and a realness with the Divine that I know most people won't understand.  Not a day goes by when I'm not thankful that I finally got around to doing what I needed to do.  I made the very right decision and I live the evidence every single day now.

I know this story isn't exactly dramatic. It's not a story of how I was saved from a life of sin (I have never really lived that kind of life), or how GOD appeared and spoke to me from a burning bush (that hasn't happened to me yet, but I sure am looking forward to such an encounter).  But my decision to leave the path that I had come to know quite well, in favor of a path much less traveled was quite the adventure for me, and I'm not done. I'm still on it, and I plan to keep going until I find what or WHO I'm looking for.

For this particular dive, the issue of tangible evidence is a little bit more complicated than other dives. My life is my real evidence, but hopefully, the answers that I've given above help to prove the fact  that I do have a relationship with the Supreme Deity. I am a child of GOD. Truly.

Surely. I'm doing quite well so far on this journey and I still have a ways to go.

No Rules. No Excuses. No Regrets.